Not very often (I hope) do I use this blog to get on a little soapbox, but I’m about to. So if you don’t want to read the rest of this post, stop here and tune in another day.

Things are not black or white. There are shades of gray. I know this sounds cliche and overused, but I believe it to be true about some things. Killing people is wrong, that is black or white. Career choices – gray. How I spend my leisure time – gray. What constitutes a family – gray. Am I happy with my life – gray.

And someone else’s life is not necessarily any harder or more noble or rewarding or excruciating or joyful because of one thing in particular.

A wise woman once told me “Life is hard. It’s all hard. Having kids is hard. Not having kids is hard. Being married is hard. Dating is hard. Having aging parents is hard. Having a sibling with a disability is hard. Being a student and working full time is hard. Paying bills on time is sometimes hard. Having a job you love is hard. Having a job you hate is hard. It’s all hard.”

I get tired of being among those that are trying to validate themselves and explain their situations and give credibility to their choices through judging other people. Yes, I include myself in this because it’s the natural, human-natured thing to do. But it’s not constructive, it’s not productive and it’s not kind.

So unless you have something helpful, understanding, useful and beneficial to say to or about someone and their choices, zip it because everyone is traveling a difficult, uncharted and sometimes dark road.

-SSG

Working on: Surprises. Lists. Brochures. Raffle item requests. Signage. Executive summaries.

Thinking about: How thrilled I am that knocked out a workout at 6 a.m. today. Done. Checked off the list before I even fully opened my eyes.

Also thinking about: A surprise that I have planned for my sister.

Anticipating: A trip to Pennsylvania!

What are you thinking about?

-SSG

What random thoughts are you having today?

-SSG

I drove home from an impromptu stop at a friend’s house. She lives in old Sparks. On Greenbrae, I passed Longford Park– it’s not a fancy place. . .it has some tennis courts and a basketball court and tall pine trees and unless someone turns them on, not a lot of light. But, oh my. I think it was the time of night, the moonlight, the temperature outside – something, all of those things. In any case – my breath caught and I smiled without even knowing why. And then I remembered. . . in high school I used to visit that park with the bad boy I had a crush on.

He was bad. He smoked. He wore a black leather jacket. He had weird hair. He was wicked smart, but didn’t apply himself. He got traffic tickets. He came from a tough family situation. He had dimples that made me melt when he smiled. He was more grown up than I was. He taught me a lot of things (you know, about geometry of course, what did you think I meant?!).

He lived near that park. We’d hang out some nights and then when he was driving me home, we’d stop in front of that park, turn off the car lights, turn up the radio and then lose track of time. Sometimes we talked; other times we kissed; and every now and then we just sat there, holding hands.

The memories of those nights in his gold 1970something Scirocco are precious. That boy made me feel special and I think I made him feel equal. None of the troubled stuff about him mattered to me – I saw inside him, his beautiful spirit, his wit, his strength, his vulnerability.

He taught me how to kiss (I mean, really kiss) and flirt and tease. Gosh, I could sure use a little of that these days. An evening visit to a small-town park in an old car with a cute guy to kiss and be quiet with. . .

Until then, I can drive by there and smile and catch my breath.

What memory moves you?

-SSG

Obsessing over: Needing some color in my hair. I know, first world problems.

Working On: Corporate meeting notes. Riveting.

Thinking about: The stray cat that I’m feeding on my porch. Trying to decide if I’m grown up enough/responsible enough/financially stable enough to have another living thing (aside from some plants) depending on me.

Anticipating: Ball blast, spinning, Zumba and a long weekend (not necessarily in that order).

Listening to: Marketplace on NPR.

Drinking: Water.

Wishing: Some things were just easier.

What’s your update? Do you want a themed blog or is randomness ok? If you wrote a blog, what would it be about? Or if you do write a blog, what is it?

-SSG

Working On: Invoices. Yep, it’s as fun as it sounds.

Thinking about:  A trip I get to take in 43 days. Gah – that is so far away. A lot can happen in 43 days. Now I’m thinking about all of the cool things that could happen between now and when I leave on this trip.

Anticipating: Seeing some friends tonight and drinking some wine (I’m not gonna lie).

Listening to: Fresh Air on NPR.

Drinking: Water.

Wishing: I could somehow filter out all of the Valentine’s Day pins on Pinterest. Bitter much, Alexia? (Disclaimer, not really bitter. I am not one of those bitter single girls that pretends Valentine’s Day is an awful, stupid made-up day because I really do love to love – family, friends, goddaughter, crushes. I do however wish I had that someone special for whom I could leave lipstick love notes on mirrors or cut pepperoni into heart shapes or make pink sparkly marshmallows.)

-SSG

HA! This is a little bit terrible, but mostly hilarious!

If we were kids and if I liked you I would have sent you a note that asked you to meet me outside after school so we could walk home together (and I would secretly hope that you’d hold my hand). But instead, we are grown-ups with complicated histories, hurts from past relationships and silly (or valid) insecurities. In elementary school it wouldn’t have mattered that I wore glasses and maybe you were awkwardly tall. I didn’t worry about whether or not I was thin enough to be attractive to you and maybe you wouldn’t have worried that I would reject you. But we’re grown-ups and we totally worry about that kind of stuff.

But if I could just take a minute of your time to make my case – without worrying about all of those grown-up things that interfere with guys and gals getting together, you might understand that I’d like to get to know you because I see some things in you that I admire and am attracted to.

I can cook – probably not as well as you (I see what you post on FB about your cooking and it looks awesome), but some things I do really well. I can practically see us together, mixing things up and experimenting with ingredients. I write thank you notes – sincere ones. I recycle. I pray – in fact I am a very faithful person and I think our religious beliefs would compliment one another well. I enjoy simple, easy things – like a quiet evening by the fire or watching movies from the sofa. I am up for adventures (some of them) but would encourage you to explore and tackle the things that I’m not interested in without me. I see you, and it makes me want to snuggle in right under your arm and gaze up at you. I can have intelligent conversations with you about things that are interesting. I keep a lovely home – (generally) neat, clean, decorated per holiday. I love spending time at the beach. I donate to and work hard for good causes – like you.  I laugh and cry and fight and love. I am a good woman. I will honor you and respect you and adore you.

In case you’re not otherwise committed and in case you aren’t asking me out because you’re afraid I’d say no, please know that I wouldn’t. In fact, I am always secretly hoping that you will. I think you are a very interesting man and I would like the chance to get to know you, and to have you get to know me.

xo,

A Secret Admirer

Fitness and Health – lose 20 lbs by June 30, 2012 by exercising a minimum of four times per week; drinking more water; eating a serving of fruit or vegetables with each meal. Lose 15 lbs (additional) by December 31, 2012 by maintaining the above habits and increasing workouts to five days per week.

Financial – Pay off all remaining credit debt by September 30, 2012 and save $XXXXX by December 31, 2012 by using more cash and making saving a priority among bill pay/other expenses.

Intellectual – Read six books by December 31, 2012. Three for pleasure and three for scholarly information (trade, industry, historical, etc). (Disclaimer, I know six books doesn’t sound like a lot, but I also had a mini-stroke last year and subscribed to four magazines, so I need to get my money’s worth from those too and magazines take more time for me to read than you’d imagine).

Social – Commit to and participate in one new activity a month; get together with good friends at least once a month.

Emotional – Embrace cooking as a passion by developing a talent for it through cooking three regular meals/items per week and one spectacular item per month. (I know “emotional” seems like an odd place for a resolution about cooking, but it’s something for which I am really trying to develop a passion and it feeds [no pub intended] my emotional happiness).

And some more personal and professional ones that are just for me. . . .

**Today, I am thankful for this life I lead.** I may have mentioned this before, but I lead a pretty charmed life I believe. I have just about everything a normal person could ask for; all of my basic needs are not just met, but exceeded. I love, travel, eat, work, play, sleep, watch TV, read, laugh, cry, get medical attention, evolve, joke, support, celebrate, grieve, take walks, play golf, watch the sun set, do yoga, miss my sister, get frustrated with my parents, drink wine, wish for more, take medicines, pray, clean, entertain, relax, mow the lawn, paint my nails, dream and expect. This list is just a fraction of the glorious, maddening, thrilling, exciting, terrifying, mundane and brilliant things that happen every day in my life. Chances are they happen in your life too and I don’t know about you, but I am thankful for every single one of them. It’s now, it’s happening and I want to soak up, retain and be present in every fabulous moment of my life.

Wishing you a truly Happy New Year!

-SSG

However, there is (as always) more work to be done. So while I expect to see posts and articles and updates begin to pop up about “why I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions” – I am going to buck that trend and tell you why I do plan to make some resolutions.

I believe that we should all always be resolving to be better and do better – for ourselves, our communities, our families, our planet and humanity. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with finding some motivation to make this effort. I love the idea of reflecting on the last 12 months, patting myself on the back for the good things I accomplished, thanking my family and friends for their unconditional love and support, and being honest about what needs more attention/better choices/more opportunity in the new year.

I expect to make some resolutions that have to do with the following – some are predictable (no less necessary or critical, yet standard nonetheless) and others are individual and unique.

Fitness/Health

Financial

Intellectual

Social

Emotional

I plan to consider these categories over the next few days to further refine my resolutions. Fair warning: I may or may not share them all here. Some things really are meant to be private. But I’ll (try) to commit to sharing progress even on those private resolutions.

What’s your plan for 2012? Tell me why you love or hate resolutions? Regardless, do you approach the new year with a fresh perspective or do you hold over some things from the previous 12 months? Why or why not?

**Today, I am thankful for the freedoms I enjoy simply because I was born in the USA.** It’s so easy to take things for granted, right? I think that’s really what these “thankful” posts have been about. And while having to call-up something for which I am thankful, or else I can’t push publish on my blog post  is relatively easy as I am a very fortunate person, it’s also challenging in some ways. Once you’ve covered the requisite friends, family, health, home, religion, etc, it’s easy to think “Gosh, what else is there?” And really there is so much – so I think I’ll lump a bunch of them together under this post about freedoms. I, as a woman in America, can drive, vote, get an education, wear make-up, show my face, choose my own outfits, have a business, choose my husband, live alone, hold public office, have a proper defense in the courts, have access to healthcare, speak my mind, have different sexual partners, choose my religion and tell my story. I have basic human rights and glorious American freedoms. I am not persecuted against and I am not subjugated.

Those things are things that I just do every day without thinking about (and sometimes even complaining about them “Gah, I have to do my hair and put on make-up and iron my fancy clothes and go to my job to earn my paycheck to deposit into my own savings account. I am SOOOOO put-upon.”)

You’re intelligent. You’re worldly. I’m not going to put up a bunch of links about oppressed and devastated women around the globe – but in case you don’t know about it, look it up. Read their stories. Imagine their plight. Send out a tiny “thank you” to the universe for giving you the (likely) luxurious life you lead. And maybe, do something to aid that other woman’s difficulties.

-SSG